loving my wife as myself

Before diving into what I believe could be practically seen as loving our wives as ourselves, I’d like to analyze the results of this in our own families as well as our greater understanding of God’s great love for us.

What an incredible feat seen in Malachi as God unites husband and wife in marriage with a portion of his spirit in their union. He then continues to explain that through this marriage, God was seeking godly offspring (Malachi 2:15-16). As I first view this verse of loving my wife as I love myself, I understand the blessings tied to applying it toward my views of fatherhood. Loving my wife as I love myself will aid my teaching of my children and allow them to better understand the faithfulness of Christ to his church. What is of utmost importance is that our children learn of the grace of God, and that can be better understood as husbands constantly extend grace, forgiveness, and unceasing love toward their wives. God has specifically “commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God (Psalms 78: 5-7).” This godly teaching much start with husbands loving their wives as they love themselves, as Christ has sacrificially served and given his life to be in communion with his Bride.

Praise the Lord for being far more interested in his glory than solely the loving interactions within our families. From the beginning, God planned for marriage to be a glorious picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. In grasping Christ’s desire for unity with his church, we praise God for the reckless love he constantly offers his Bride. As husbands die to themselves, pick up their cross, and cherish their wives as they would their own bodies, we catch a glimpse of Christ’s sacrificial love and faithfulness to the church. God commands the husband to strive for this mindset of oneness with his wife, so that believers and unbelievers alike may begin to understand the delightful unity that Jesus brings to his church. As Christ won the victory over death on the cross, the reality of this oneness was achieved. Unfortunately, we have chased after lovers far less wild, and even with regenerate, we hearts have tainted this oneness on earth. What a joy it is to feel perfectly one with our wives. It is a joke to believe for a second that this unity will ever rival the intimate oneness that will be experienced between Christ and his Bride when he forms the new heavens and the new earth.

So how is this seen on a day to day basis? Jesus’ command to pick up our cross daily ought to be in full view of our ability to accomplish this complex task. We must be obedient to view our new life as not our own to consume praise and comfort but to joyfully come before the Lord as undeserving enemies who were bought at a price. Let’s echo Paul as he proclaims, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20).” I think this is shown by cutting her slack when she makes mistakes or even sins against you. Too often I am disobedient to the scriptures and react harshly to my wife when she is also giving into the temptation to sin against me. What would bless her beyond belief would involve my words and actions toward her to resemble the unselfish forgiveness of Christ while his children were yet sinners. Reason with me. What has driven us to be wildly in love with our Savior? His constant love toward us while we were vile men and women! I think loving my wife as myself not only involves holding my tongue, but it entails encouraging and building up my wife even while she is undeserving in my eyes. This is never an excuse to be unloving toward our wives and avoid offering correction. We are responsible for the spiritual growth of our wives, but I believe we ought to rest in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit before throwing our input into every mistake or sin committed by our wives.